Thursday, August 28, 2008

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Well howdy everybody, it's your good friend Patty Cake again! This past Sunday morning Patty (the oldest sister) woke us all up early and told us that we was going to church. I was excited cause we hadn't been in a while, the hungry sister was mad cause she had already made plans to go swimmin early with that cute boy down the road, and the youngest one was grumpy cause she was still a little bit hung over from her drink the night before. BUT with some gentile persuasion and the business end of a cattle prod everyone was up and getting dressed in our "Sunday Go-A-Meetin" clothes.

We piled in the van and headed out of the park to the First Baptist Church! We were running a little late, and the service had already started when we got there, so we snuck in the back and piled into the very last pew right next to our next door neighbor Mrs Peppersnach. The church house was packed, it was like Easter Sunday! The service was lovely. The preacher was telling us about those two boys named Chadrack and Meshack and their Billygoat, and how they was all cast into the fiery furnace. I was a little disturbed by this story seein as them two boys at least got to speak in their own defence, but that poor little billy goat never even said a cross word and was still thrown in the fire. CAN WE SAY ANIMAL CRUELTY!!?? Well, as the story turned out they was all OK, so I felt a little bit better about it since the goat didn't get burned up.

Right in the middle of the sermon the youngest sister who was still a tad hung over asked the oldest sister if she could be excused cause she felt like she was gonna throw up. The oldest one said no at first, but when she saw what a lovely shade of green the youngest was turning, she agreed and told her to go around to the very back of the church house and puke behind a bush. So, the hung over one stood up politely, and very quietly excused herself and snuck out the door. Within 60 seconds she was back and looked alert and refreshed. "Well that was fast" I said. "How could you make it all the way behind the church house, throw up, and come all the way back in so quickly?" To which she told me "Oh, I didn't have to go all the way around back, when I walked out into the lobby I found a BIG box that was labeled "FOR THE SICK" on it, so I just used that." Well I just thought that was so nice for them to put such a thing out in the lobby for the sick folks. I guess it's so they wouldn't have to miss very much of the service if they feel the need to erp in the middle of church. And believe me after hearing about that poor billy goat I thought about runnin out and using it myself.

Anyway, when the sermon was over, and we finished singing JUST AS I AM for the closing invitational, we walked out into the lobby to shake the pastor's hand before we left. But, on the way out of the sanctuary I noticed some pictures of army men and women hanging on the wall by the door. "Hmmmm" I thought, "I wonder what those are for?" Well when we reached the pastor I shook his hand and told him I thought his sermon was lovely, and he thanked me.

" I have a quick question to ask you pastor..." He smiled at me and said
"What's on your mind, sister?"
"I was wondering about those pictures of the army men and women, what are they for"
"Oh," he said "Those are the pictures of our men and women who have died in the service."
"Oh, well that clears it up, I think it's so nice of y'all to honor thier memory like that. Thank you pastor!" But then came my even bigger question. "Did they die during the morning service or the evening service?" He looked at me kinda confused, so I was gonna ask him again, but before I could repeat my inquiary the oldest sister grabbed my hand and jerked me out the door. Oh well, I guess we'll never know all the answers till we get to heaven!

Love y'all, and God bless!
Patty Cake

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Well hello good friends and neighbors. Patty Cake here, and I gotta tell you, your loving Patty was in a pickle this week. A real quandary! Y'all know how I'm purty fond of walking to the libary and workin on my diary entries on myspace, right? Right, I figured you did. Anyhoo, My next to youngest sister "the snackin, slutty one" decided it was time for her to get some computer learnin herself, so she asked me if I would show her around the computer lab in the libary, and teach her how to turn'em on and get on the world wide webs! She had heard on the TV that there were dating sites on the net, and seeing as how she's nearly exhausted the amount of guys she could pick up at the Trailer Park and the community center, she thought she'd give it a whirl. Well I was very happy about it (seeing as how I talk a whole lot and it would be nice to have someone to jabber with on the walk there) so I told her I would. So, she grabbed a can of coke and an ice cream cone and we headed out the door. Well, we got to the libary and went into the computer lab. There was one free computer open. What luck, we could sit together and I could show her how to use it. Well I was just about to dig in my purse for a piece of Hubba Bubba when out of the corner of my eye I saw that little pac-man playin deamon child eyein the same computer from across the room. He KNEW I was wanting that computer, but being the evil snot that he is he challenged me for it. He looked up at me through his thick "I'm so smart" glasses and grinned. He took off a-runnin for the computer, and SO DID I! HE WAS NOT GONNA BEAT ME AGAIN! I hate havin to wait a full hour to get online while he plays those idiotic videa games, while I sit there twiddling my thumbs needing to get my diary work done. I ran, waiving my arms in the air and screaming like white trash at a tent revival. Well dear friends, believe me when I say I got to the computer and slapped my hand on the mouse so quick it made his head spin. (I wish I COULD make that little shits head spin) We've been mortal enemies ever since he pulled my chair out from under me in front of the whole libary, three months ago. ANYWAY that's another story for another time. Long story short I got to the computer and kicked that little brat away like Jackie Chan. HI-YA! He was cryin, and yellin, and waivin his crutches at me, but I planted myself firmly in that chair and sissy pulled another one next to me. We got her registered for a couple of dating sites and checked my emails real quick and then I turned her loose on the internets world! She was doing great. I stood up to stretch my legs for a minute, while she was lookin at some site called MANHUNT. The title says it all, it had to be exactly what she was looking for seein as how she was hunting for a man. I walked around for a bit, giving her some freedom, and noticed that a lady was signing off of the computer directly in front of my sissy. I looked for the kid. He was no where to be seen, so I laid claim to it. I was havin a big ol time, workin on my myspace, talking to my friends online, and watching my sissy over the top of my computer monitor. Everything was going so well for about 20 minutes or so till I heard sissy say "DAMN IT!" I looked up at her, and asked what was the matter. "I broke the cup holder!" she said. "What?" I replied. "I was tryin to fit my can of coke in the cup holder and it broke off." I was confused. "Sissy, what are you talking about? Computers don't have cup holders." She looked at me like I was some kind of moron and said, "Yes it does, all you have to do is hit this little button on the computer and a cup holder pops out!" I ran around and looked at what she had done. "SISSY, that's not a cup holder, that's where you put a CD. You broke it!" Every eye in the room turned to me. i covered my mouth and thought about how we could get outta there without anyone knowing what we had done. Well I was too late. The libarian heard me say that it was broken, and quickly marched over and checked out the damage. She told us it was gonna cost A LOT of money to get it fixed, asked me and sissy to walk back to the front counter with her so she could take down our information. Well we started walkin and before we got to the front sissy bolted and ran out the front door. That heffer left me holding the bag! So, I gave the lady all my information and headed out the door. She ran out behind me and shouted from across the parking lot "And don't let me catch you or any of your inbred family in here till we get some money for the repairs!" Well, I didn't think that was very nice so I turned around and gave her the finger. I know it wasn't real lady like, but you don't talk bad about my family. Well dear friends, i didn't know how I was gonna get to my online diary this week, and i was gonna be real upset if I didn't get to talk to y'all for a long time, but as luck would have it that mean old librarian husband was caught cheating on her yesterday, and now she's in jail awaiting trial for shooting him in the knee. When I read that in the paper this morning I marched my happy ass down here to the libary to let y'all know what happened. Alright, well my hour is nearly up and I gotta get back to the park before Momma comes over for dinner.
Patty Cake

Monday, August 11, 2008


Howdy friends! This is our new home for the blog on the world wide interwebs! We's still gonna maintain our other sites but our online diary is a-moving to here. Thanks for coming by and visiting, and if you're one of our many readers who followed us over from the myspace page;to y'all I say Thank y'uns, and welcome! Let us know if you have any suggestions on how we can make this site more better for y'all!
Lotsa Love to y'uns!
Bye hon!
Patty Cake