Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Well hello good friends and neighbors. Patty Cake here, and I gotta tell you, your loving Patty was in a pickle this week. A real quandary! Y'all know how I'm purty fond of walking to the libary and workin on my diary entries on myspace, right? Right, I figured you did. Anyhoo, My next to youngest sister "the snackin, slutty one" decided it was time for her to get some computer learnin herself, so she asked me if I would show her around the computer lab in the libary, and teach her how to turn'em on and get on the world wide webs! She had heard on the TV that there were dating sites on the net, and seeing as how she's nearly exhausted the amount of guys she could pick up at the Trailer Park and the community center, she thought she'd give it a whirl. Well I was very happy about it (seeing as how I talk a whole lot and it would be nice to have someone to jabber with on the walk there) so I told her I would. So, she grabbed a can of coke and an ice cream cone and we headed out the door. Well, we got to the libary and went into the computer lab. There was one free computer open. What luck, we could sit together and I could show her how to use it. Well I was just about to dig in my purse for a piece of Hubba Bubba when out of the corner of my eye I saw that little pac-man playin deamon child eyein the same computer from across the room. He KNEW I was wanting that computer, but being the evil snot that he is he challenged me for it. He looked up at me through his thick "I'm so smart" glasses and grinned. He took off a-runnin for the computer, and SO DID I! HE WAS NOT GONNA BEAT ME AGAIN! I hate havin to wait a full hour to get online while he plays those idiotic videa games, while I sit there twiddling my thumbs needing to get my diary work done. I ran, waiving my arms in the air and screaming like white trash at a tent revival. Well dear friends, believe me when I say I got to the computer and slapped my hand on the mouse so quick it made his head spin. (I wish I COULD make that little shits head spin) We've been mortal enemies ever since he pulled my chair out from under me in front of the whole libary, three months ago. ANYWAY that's another story for another time. Long story short I got to the computer and kicked that little brat away like Jackie Chan. HI-YA! He was cryin, and yellin, and waivin his crutches at me, but I planted myself firmly in that chair and sissy pulled another one next to me. We got her registered for a couple of dating sites and checked my emails real quick and then I turned her loose on the internets world! She was doing great. I stood up to stretch my legs for a minute, while she was lookin at some site called MANHUNT. The title says it all, it had to be exactly what she was looking for seein as how she was hunting for a man. I walked around for a bit, giving her some freedom, and noticed that a lady was signing off of the computer directly in front of my sissy. I looked for the kid. He was no where to be seen, so I laid claim to it. I was havin a big ol time, workin on my myspace, talking to my friends online, and watching my sissy over the top of my computer monitor. Everything was going so well for about 20 minutes or so till I heard sissy say "DAMN IT!" I looked up at her, and asked what was the matter. "I broke the cup holder!" she said. "What?" I replied. "I was tryin to fit my can of coke in the cup holder and it broke off." I was confused. "Sissy, what are you talking about? Computers don't have cup holders." She looked at me like I was some kind of moron and said, "Yes it does, all you have to do is hit this little button on the computer and a cup holder pops out!" I ran around and looked at what she had done. "SISSY, that's not a cup holder, that's where you put a CD. You broke it!" Every eye in the room turned to me. i covered my mouth and thought about how we could get outta there without anyone knowing what we had done. Well I was too late. The libarian heard me say that it was broken, and quickly marched over and checked out the damage. She told us it was gonna cost A LOT of money to get it fixed, asked me and sissy to walk back to the front counter with her so she could take down our information. Well we started walkin and before we got to the front sissy bolted and ran out the front door. That heffer left me holding the bag! So, I gave the lady all my information and headed out the door. She ran out behind me and shouted from across the parking lot "And don't let me catch you or any of your inbred family in here till we get some money for the repairs!" Well, I didn't think that was very nice so I turned around and gave her the finger. I know it wasn't real lady like, but you don't talk bad about my family. Well dear friends, i didn't know how I was gonna get to my online diary this week, and i was gonna be real upset if I didn't get to talk to y'all for a long time, but as luck would have it that mean old librarian husband was caught cheating on her yesterday, and now she's in jail awaiting trial for shooting him in the knee. When I read that in the paper this morning I marched my happy ass down here to the libary to let y'all know what happened. Alright, well my hour is nearly up and I gotta get back to the park before Momma comes over for dinner.
Patty Cake